From The Diary Of A Killer

I lie, crouched, behind the broken stump of a tree. It provides me the cover I need. The sun has not risen. My half-burnt cigarette keeps me warm, keeps me going. The ashen smoke merges with the mist, yet it fails to hamper my vision. My nerves are stiff. I do not know how long I have been waiting here. What might have been minutes seems like hours. Time has no meaning.

It is cold. Yet the sweat breaks on my brow. One wrong move, and I will lose my cover. I am on a mission, I need to kill. I've done it before. Killing means nothing. I check my sniper's rifle, again. The single bullet lies in wait, to do its duty. That is all I get - one bullet, one chance. One bad shot, and I will lose my life.

The breaking of a twig snaps me into attention. I see my target. Adrenaline rushes back. My finger grips the trigger. Aim. Fire. I was amazed at how nonchalantly I pulled the trigger. No hesitation. I see my target, dropping dead. Another mission completed.

As the sun rises, I wait for a helicopter to take me home.I have cheated death once more. But how long will this last?

Krishna R

II CSE

LONELY N LOST

I still walk alone
Trying to find what went wrong
Gone are the days when you were by my side;
Gone are the days when we shared everything;
And now gone some days without talking.

Tears glisten in my eyes
You may forget me but never will I,
I wonder….
Can we go back to living our lives at all?
Can we start all over again?
Maybe this time leaving out the sorrow.
Can we live our lives with feelings.
Will there ever be such a tomorrow?

Life just seems to go on and on
Seeming at all times empty and long
No spirit to endure
Or no hope to find a cure
But there’s a comfort inside so used to losing
Hollow ambitions
Struggling to maintain what’s left
Trying not to break, but I am so tired of this deceit
There’s a wound that’s always bleeding.
I don’t know whom to trust.
Nobody any more ushers me on my way
The tiring time in between.

Amenities of the past make me nostalgic.
But to get elation even in separation is what I am looking for.
There’s a path I am always walking
And I hate it when you are not around
Hate the fact that you didn’t call
Hate the fact that I trusted myself with you
Hate the fact that we turned the world into what we see
But most of all I hate the fact that I don’t hate you at all
Or nor have I got any close to hating you at all.

There’s an earnest longing deep inside
For something to come along and change the tide
I am stuck in, trapped her
Trying so hard to realize what is it that didn’t get along
Is it lack of warmth in love
Or is it that I jus feel so feel
Or was this all someday just meant to be?
What use is it if you cannot feel love inside and out?

The world indeed is void of love in all its way
The word happiness seems like such a lie.
I don’t know what I want
Practically lifeless with forgotten aim am I.
Contentment is now but a fabricated, blurred vision.
I kinda feel I have lost the real me
The one I used to be
Feeling so lost and lonely in this world
Is there anybody out there who cares for me.
Who can help me find the real me.
The one I used to be the better part of me.

SOWMYA
4th sem ECE

On the Past and Causality

It only seems all too poetic sometimes - This thing we casually refer to as life. What is rather remarkable, is how an action which was dealt a hand that deemed it nearly insignificant, could one day acquire a form of sheer power to drastically effect one's life at another point in time. Cruelly unfair, I'd like to think. Cruel, because it seems like one could be subject to 'persecution' for something which wouldn't normally be noticed in passing. Cruel, because it requires one that is living to truly conceive every possible outcome in all its various permutations and combinations before performing an action. Cruel, because it ruins the relevance of all that is temporarily insignificant. Cruel, because it makes the word temporary redundant in its own right.

How relevant is the past anyway? What is the point of what has already come to pass? Do those events, or those actions whose sole purpose was condoned by the simplicity and the spontaneity of a single moment truly earn a right to have some bearing in later times? Like I've said before, I believe it is cruel that they do.

After giving some thought to this whole concept, I believe I see only one logical path to define our mode of thought. When it comes to our actions, we perform each one with our own present scenarios in mind. We deem the action to be performed as 'beneficial' to our current needs, or if not 'beneficial', we maintain only our most immediate situation in mind. However, by virtue of being human we do, consciously or subconsciously , bear something else in mind. By our own innate tendency to want something better, we are only too human to avoid glancing at the action's implications on another sacred section of time - The Future.

I suppose I've answered my own question on the relevance of the past through my last sentence. By committing an action with a view to it having some bearing on the future, then I believe the past does automatically get endowed with the ability to drastically, or in some small way effect later times. It has only just dawned on me. Come to think of it, I change my view on this whole concept. It isn't cruel at all. It is merely a verification of the principle of Causality. Our actions don't innately and spontaneously possess the power to come back and haunt us one day... We give it that power.

Causality - The belief that everything happens due to a reason; The belief that everything exists due to something; The belief that something necessarily presupposes everything. More importantly, this is the belief which warrants the existence and exactness of reason itself. Personally I believe Causality is as fundamental and as logically justified as our need to breathe. It is that which exists so that the existence of everything else is deemed to have a presupposing reason. Causality, is that which exists as a product of reason itself, and promotes the faculty of thought to the highest degree.

One false belief, however, is that the principle of Causality necessarily warrants the confirmation of the hypothesis widely popular as the concept of 'Destiny' or 'Fate'. I believe this concept is a misguided interpretation of the principle of Causality.

Defenders of the 'Destiny' hypothesis who are familiar with Causality and its provisions seem to subscribe to a modified version of Causality's credo. Causality states -

"Everything happens due to a reason."

These fine crusaders of the 'Destiny' hypothesis subscribe to the following (false) summarization of Causality -

"Everything happens FOR a reason."

This, to me seems more like a poor understanding on their part, rather than an attempt at chicanery or manipulation.

If you find my idea a little obscure, then let me point out to you the difference between the two summarizations and the drastic alteration in meaning when the word 'for' is used instead of 'due to'.

The first statement, which for the sake of casual reference and analysis I shall name True statement 'A', conveys a meaning which deems everything's existence as a result of something else. 'Everything' here, must not be restricted to material objects but also emotions, actions,etc. It merely highlights the logical conclusion that for an action, there necessarily must exist an originating cause. Hence, the name 'Causality'. Perhaps my using the word 'merely' is understating the importance of this ideology. Causality has far-reaching effects in the realm of human belief and intellectual thinking. Indeed, the principle of Causality, when clearly understood, provides an alternative route for rational thought processes. It also provides a completely different outlook on life. Thus, True Statement 'A', in all its simplicity possesses phenomenal meaning. It eliminates the need for the word 'coincidence'. It replaces that word with 'consequence'.

Now consider the second statement which I shall (again for the sake of analysis) name Altered Statement 'B'. Although it differs (literally) only to the extent of a single word, its meaning and thus, its implications drastically differ from those conveyed by True Statement 'A'. Where True Statement 'A' highlights the action as a result of a specific cause, Altered Statement 'B' aims to present the action AS a probable cause itself. It modifies the core value of Causality by presenting a view that an action was MEANT to happen as a part of some 'grand scheme of things'. This 'grand scheme' forms the core value of the 'Destiny' hypothesis. It provides for the possibility that whatever has taken place, could not have happened any other way. This then sheds light on the act of choice. It presents the act of choice as an illusion only meant to serve the immediate conscious senses. Thus, Altered Statement 'B' negates the existence of choice itself!

A world without choice sounds rather difficult to perceive don't you think? Well it most certainly is. In order to envision such a world, one would have to believe that everything from when a nation goes to war, to why you rest your head on your right hand instead of your left at your desk has already been decided. You would have to believe that everything in the world is in accordance with some divine script written by some unseen hand. Even if one were to try and deliberately defy one's 'Destiny' and continually change one's decision on a subject, even then the missionary of Destiny would argue that your final decision has already been made and irrespective of one's choice, that decision was in fact preconceived. Personally, I find that rather amusing.

Causality and its far reaching effects are manifested in our lives everyday. It is in the nature of the way we go about things. In short, Causality is the one force one cannot avoid. It underscores the importance of reason and the importance of the faculty of thought. Everything must have a reason. Even if that reason is not apparent at the moment, it does not provide any 'divine' implications. The reason always exists. After all, reason presupposes existence and existence to us, is sacrosanct.

By,
Nikhil Menon
IV CSE B

worn out...still wonderful.....

Most of us enjoy shopping for new clothes every now and then. It’s quite a natural inclination which just manages to fall short of consumerism. For a change, I feel otherwise. Just scrape beneath and look beyond the freshness of brand new clothes, you may find your old, routine shirts and trousers as dear to you as the new ones. Perhaps, even more. At least I opine so...
Gradually, the fresh scent of the clothes fades away and it attains a characteristic odour of your 'personality' which has impeccable distinctness in the case of each individual. When your dear ones are away, they are most missed when you happen to find some of their shirts or saris left behind. This is so very nostalgic.

As the clothes get older, they can be personified as becoming more mature and gracefully aged than before. This can be a perfect metaphor for the course of events in a man's life. Am at my ultimate comfort when i walk around in my old tracks and faded shirt(with the collar button missing!!). This feeling is very fulfilling and hard to communicate. Dad looks at his best when he is in his age old kurta and dhoti. Mom is most adorable in her peach salwar (peach because of the fully faded colour!!!). The pink and white tee gifted to me on my 14th birthday by mom is my favorite shirt till date! So is my dark blue pant even though it’s torn and darn at the knee!! Clothes I feel are your most faithful material companion throughout your journey of life and are often "pregnant with memories". Sensitive ones share a strong bond and belongingness with their attire. In this world of diplomats and backstabbers, I sometimes feel so thankful and grateful that at least my clothes are here to reassure me. I shudder to think of the consequence otherwise! Thank you...

Prateek M

4th sem,cse

Nomad

Inaugurating the February archive.

Alone I entered,
without friend or foe.
Along the journey, adorn like jewelry,
they rise from seeds I sow.

Along the path,
they stand like trees.
Endearing but entrapping me
offering outstretched leaves.

But when Autumn comes,
the leaves being to fall,
until none remain,
to answer my call.

As I continue to wander,
only my thoughts follow.
Now hollow trees laugh at me,
mock my sorrow.
And beside them, yet not,
I dig my own burrow.

Krishna R
II CSE